Ariana Grande with a side of Anxiety

Molly
Jul 19, 2016
3 min read

Looking at this picture you see three friends who are going to a concert. At the time this was one of the most liked pictures on my Instagram when I posted it. I didn't know if it was because I was wearing basically a bra with a sheer piece of fabric over it (sorry Mom) or because the light is hitting my stomach just right to make it look like I have a six pack (in my wildest dreams).

When I see this picture I don't strictly think of the amazing concert Ariana put on, or the incredible vocals and dance moves. I can remember jamming with my two friends, buying $40 merch t-shirts, and dancing our butts off. What stands out most in this picture to me is 1) I look skinny in an unhealthy 2) how I felt that day.

The day this picture was taken, I forced myself out of bed. I was gagging in the toilet and felt nauseous all day just thinking about the concert. It wasn't just this day, it had been going on for close to three weeks at this time. I was bareIy eating because of my stomach aches. I was at a constant battle with my brain, wondering why I was so upset over this concert, when I have gone to hundreds of other ones. I forced myself to sit through class, counting the breathes I would take in. Making tick marks for each one, to keep my mind off freaking out. I only sat through class because this concert was my reward.

Concerts have always been a safe place. Once we were there, I felt a little sick, from both anxiety and excitement. Prince Royce came on and got the crowd moving, his dancing and catchy songs kept my mind off the pit in my stomach.

Intermission came and I nervously chewed my cheeks. The lights went down, as my heart rate rose. I couldn't tell if my scream was because Ariana Grande (talk about the cutest performer in the world) was singing in the most adorable cat ears in front of me, or because during her set I felt fine. I was content, I was signing with two of my best friends, and I was in my happy place. In those moments nothing can go wrong. And surprisingly to my anxious mind, nothing did.

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time, without even knowing it. I would feel sick before concerts, have a racing heart for no reason sitting in class, be terrified at any moment about the worst possible case scenario happening. It took me another year, a few counselors, lots of encouragement from friends and family, and a big step for myself to accept it for what it was.

Two things are for sure now 1) Concerts will, and always have been, something that keeps me going 2) No one deserves to feel anxious all the time, to the point where they can't do something they used to enjoy. There is help, and I wouldn't be telling this story if it didn't have a happy ending.

Nothing is more important than your health, mental and physical. Don't be afraid to bring it up. I promise you, you're not alone, and damn it gets a lot better. Go talk to someone a friend, family member, break the stigma!

Sorry we have been so MIA, I swear we are back for good this time and we have so much to share with you. :)